Sometimes my friend Jameel really sucks. I keep him around though I guess since he is my oldest friend and all, but still, he can really suck at times. It's like he just isn't thinking or something. I don't even know. For instance, there is the time that I was in San Francisco and he totally abandoned me for this Polish girl. Or how he agreed to do this web design work for my brother and kept postponing it until it was obvious that he had no intention of doing it. Did I mention how when he came to Europe last year, he did NOT visit me in Paris, yet he managed to go to Paris this year after I had already returned home? Okay fine fine, to be fair, he does do a lot of nice things too...right...moving on.

I guess the best part about true friends is that they accept you as you are without expecting you to be perfect. And they forgive your mistakes. They can piss you off, you can disagree and fight and know that you won't lose that person. You know that you will remain friends through good and bad times alike. And it's through those difficult times that you truly grow together.

So Jameel, thanks for not sucking so bad this weekend.
I guess I kind of love you too.

okay Stace, maybe you are right

I shouldn't give up on blogging.

I was told that I need to grow a thicker skin. I am overly sensitive. I take things way too personally. Fine, I recognize this. I know that I tend to find a way to interpret things as being a result of my own inadequacies. Habit, I suppose. A bad one. I beat myself up over things which I have no control over. This is where the theory I suck at life comes into play. It's always my fault in some form. Now when I look at things from afar and add a bit of logic, I know that this is not the reality of the situation, but those emotions can be awfully relentless. Still, recognizing the problem is half of the battle, right? Okay, that's great, but changing the behavior is the hard part, the part that seems to have me baffled. Well, what if I were to say that I am determined to overcome this flaw, no matter how arduous? You would want to know how. I don't have all the answers, but I have an idea of where to start. I have to stop setting these ridiculous standards by which I judge life and assign value. Taking chances is a part of growing up. I need to accept that I am human. Humans make mistakes; it's natural. So I guess what I'm trying to say is there is no reason for me to go into hiding. Sometimes things will be great, other times they will suck, but I will still be me and life will continue.

apologies

As if it isn't completely clear, I am retiring my blog. My head is clouded, my heart hurts, everything is wrong. Maybe I'll return if when this nightmare abates.