Head in the Clouds

Am I slow? Or do I prefer to dwell in denial?
Why did it take me so long to realize that I was leaving...

Leaving everything familiar and comfortable to me. Leaving the world I know behind in hopes of creating a better me. Why don't I feel the gravity of this situation? I don't know.

I see what is going on around me, but I feel s e p a r a t e d from it all. Nevertheless I go along with the motions. I fold clothes to pack into my suitcases and organize the books I want to take along. I attempt to gauge exactly what I will need to sustain myself for the following 9 months. I'm leaving. I think it, but I don't exactly feel it the way I would hope.

I have been expecting this move for months, why doesn't it seem real to me anymore? Is it resistance to change? No. I mean, I'm moving to find the new cheese. Waiting for the feeling, I continue going along with the motions. It will come to me in time. I reassure myself. This is normal...right? Upon arriving in Toronto, my dad and I fill out cards making our departure from the US official. No, not yet.

Sleep. Eat. Watch Nacho Libre. Sleep. Sitting on the plane on the final leg of the flight feeling like I'm going on "just another trip", I give up on feeling anything more. Stop over thinking it. Live it. I'm gazing out the window just as the plane touches down on the runway at Charles de Gaulle airport; the French guy seated behind me yells out "Paris!" and it finally hits me.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.
~ Chamfort