What would Jack Bauer do?

Let's not focus on the fact that I went to class today in the same clothes that I had on all day yesterday. Let's also ignore that I hadn't showered and I smelled anything but fresh. Hair uncombed, teeth unbrushed. It was so bad that even the beggar people didn't find it worth their time to taunt me with their normal Please. I'm hungry. Please. antics. Oh yeah, and I didn't have my books either. Let's put that all to the side and concentrate on the positive. I went to class on time. Early, in fact. Right. So yeah, that's about it for the positives.

Wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Leela? No it started way before that, maybe with my french boy's bedtime story about an ex girlfriend giving him head in front of her friend and how that incident played a factor in their breakup. I guess that bottle of whiskey put him in a sharing mood. Sharing is caring after all. Wanna spoon? Uh yeah, how about NO! Does it change anything if I tell you that that was supposed to be a convincing counter argument to me saying that I didn't feel respected? Confused? I was too. First of all, I was sleeping and he wakes me up to tell me that I need to eat, because I hadn't eaten anything since early afternoon. He was right and I appreciate his concern for my hypoglycemia and all, but it was 2 AM and I was ASLEEP. I don't want/need to be woken up to eat. I was grumpy. It became clear that he wasn't giving up without a fight, so I ate some food to appease him in hopes that he would let me go back to sleep, but that became me insulting him and the food from his homeland and the people who prepared it and his culture and heritage and his entire family going back for generations including the local village dog Tanto, because I didn't like it.
I like it. It's good.
Then why aren't you eating?
Let's see… I'm not hungry! I need to go back to sleep. I need to wake up in the morning to go to class. I have to go home before class to get ready and to get my books.
That's where the not feeling respected comment came in which diverted his attention from feeding me.

When you wake up with rehdogg's Why must I cry playing in your head, you should already know that something is not right. Add in the mix waking up just late enough where you have to decide between going straight to class (on time, as you are, without your books) and going home to get ready (disrupting class by showing up at least 30 minutes late). Now what if you find yourself relating to the profoundness of the lyrics instead of laughing at rehdogg's voice and facial expressions? Lord help me. What is the problem here? I don't know, but I'm going to take a shower, put on my favorite raggedy ass CU sweatpants, lounge in my bed eating my rice and dahl while pondering the eternal mystery Why must I cry? Why? My phone is off because I don't feel like talking to anyone today, but be aware that I will be checking it every now and again just to make sure a certain person is calling. No I don't want to talk to him, but I'll be damned if he doesn't call.

WWJ(B)D? I can tell you that he certainly wouldn't be sitting in his room shutting out the world. He would shoot someone.

Plan B.

blah blah blah

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. Not really sure what that means. Nothing is specifically wrong, it is just that I can't place how I feel. About anything.
Am I happy? Am I sad? Stressed? Excited? I couldn't tell you. My french boy? Yeah, I guess I like him. He's cool. What do I want? I don't know. What do I feel like doing? I don't know that either. I'm not hungry. I'm not sleepy. I'm just blah. Anyway, I'm annoying myself with this nonsense. I hope this nothingness passes soon. And this UTI too, because I'm sick of peeing being the only thing I feel the urge to do.

Barcelona was beautiful.

to make a long story short

I'm back from Barcelona and I was planning on raving about how beautiful it was. Not only was the weather ideal, but the people were super friendly, the food was fabulous, and the shopping, OMG the shopping! Yes, I was planning on writing that. That is, until last night. Last night I was at a club and my watch was fucking stolen. STOLEN. I was beyond irate. And it went deeper than just a missing watch, I felt violated. Having something stolen from my person left me feeling extremely vulnerable. And it was like no one was understanding that, which only made me more angry. In my rage, I used a lot of foul language and directed my outrage at inappropriate targets. (I had been drinking.)* I scared myself with how emotionally out of control I was. Ultimately, I was most upset with myself, because at the beginning of the night I had had this sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen, but I decided to ignore it, pay careful attention to my bag, and try to enjoy myself. Way to go.
This morning I was still really mad, and every time I would look at my wrist to check the time only to find it bare, my anger just heightened. So in the airport waiting for my flight back home, I bought a new watch in duty free. I am feeling a bit better.

* a clarification, not an excuse

what you know about that

1. I am keeping a lot of tension in my mouth area. I noticed this development while I was looking at recent photographs of myself (exhibit A – see photo in the post below). I was wondering, why am I always doing this weird lip pursing thing? Not cute. On top of that, my teeth grinding has returned. It's not that it ever stopped, but I was wearing my mouth guard nightly (oooh the sexiness) until…I'm not sure what happened, but I stopped. Yesterday I decided that I needed to start using it again, but when I woke up this morning it was on the floor. Now I spend a good part of my day consciously reminding myself to relax my mouth. I have self-diagnosed this as a symptom of smile deprivation, because I have no other reason to be so tense.

2. I bought a new pair of chopsticks. They are beautiful shiny and polished metal. I love them.

3. I'm longing for a good night of incoherent fun. One of those nights where no one remembers exactly what happened. The morning after, you all sit around over a breakfast of greasy cheese and/or ranch covered food trying to piece together jumbled memories in attempt to determine what his name is, why you thought he was cute, and what exactly he is doing (sleeping) in your shower.

4. My fellow countrywomen may have shed their Uggs for flip flops weeks ago, but it was not until yesterday that I actually felt a change in the air. It feels like spring now. And that can only mean one thing: spring fever…

Lacanau was lovely.

I have been less than enthusiastic about my photographs lately. I want/need a new digital camera (the Canon PowerShot SD800 IS/Canon Digital IXUS 850 IS to be specific). Without further ado...

C'est la belle vie.

Non? He asked me yesterday, as we lounged under a parasol, me, mai tai in hand and him drinking a beer. We are in Lacanau-Océan, where the biggest challenge has been determining where the vast blue of the water ends and the sky begins. I had almost forgotten how much I love the sun, the comfort of its heat, the energy in its brilliance. I had forgotten that the sun actually does have the power to wake you up in the morning when it shines through the window. It's days like this when I can't help but smile and feel absolutely grateful.

And you knew that I couldn't leave the computer at home. So I am sitting here blogging, while my french boy is busy yelling and clapping at the tele (ie watching the game), drowning his sorrow and/or happiness in whiskey and a cloud of smoke. The hotness that is soccer boys…
Woot Marseille?!!!

Happy Easter!

Spring break starts today!

2 weeks on holiday!!! Count them: 1. 2. No obligations. Just fun in the sun (or chasing it).

I didn't make it to my grammar class this morning. I was too sleepy. But I was certain to not let the guilt of being absent creep into my thoughts out of fear of becoming like my brother, whose claim to fame is never having missed a university class. EVER. He's a junior. That is just not normal. And he is crazy serious about it too. No, I can't do that. I have class. The scary part is that I was kind of beginning to understand his point of view. Perfect attendance can start to mess with your rational thinking. It can convince you that it is the best way and you will be lost without it. I know better than that.

Lately I have been craving nothing but sweets and I have been feeling really dehydrated (nothing to do with the drinking, I'm sure). Maybe 2 days ago, I ordered a crème brûlée at a restaurant (I watched Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain earlier this week too) and it was TERRIBLE. I ate less than half of it (out of guilt of being a food waster) before leaving the rest. When the waiter returned to the table, he remarked that it was not finished and asked if it was good. I told him not really. He seemed a bit confused and asked me if I was french. I told him that I was american. He asked if I knew the dessert. I told him yes. He asked if there is crème brûlée in the US. Yes again. He explained to me that they serve it all of the time and they never get any complaints from any customers. To appease him, I said fine, maybe it's me. But no, it was NOT me. It was too eggy and the top was not caramelized enough (thwarting my Amélie moment completely). It sucked. End of story.

As for the dehydration, I am heading out to the beach for the weekend, or so I'm promised by my french boy (which one is he? you ask. The one who lives in Texas and says okie dokie). I haven't packed yet. I'll do that in the morning. Who needs class anyway?