Z's & G's

It's a gorgeous Saturday afternoon. The sun is shining in all it glory. You are driving down the highway peacefully singing along with Justin. Dirty babe... Wait, you are distracted by what you see. 1, 2, 3...more than 30 of the mostly the same type of car speed by you on the opposite side of the road.
What the hell is going on?
It's a car run.
A what?
Let me explain. So, there are car clubs for people in the Bay Area who drive Nissan 350Z's or Infiniti G35's. They meet up and drive to different places together to hang out, talk, and admire each others cars. This particular run happens to be to Monterey.
These people have too much time on their hands.
You are probably right.

As I sit in the passenger seat of Jameel's G35 watching the world through my window, I pray for my safety.

By far the best part of the trip was when I got a chance to visit my favorite squirrels in Pebble Beach. They are incredibly friendly and will not hesitate to come right up to you. Because although there is a clearly posted sign instructing visitors not feed the animals, it is quite obvious that it goes mainly ignored.

Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

In case you were wondering

1. I LOVE peanut butter m&m's. Is that enough to explain why I have single handedly eaten 3 of the Halloween edition bags of these candies since I have returned to the States? It surely does not explain why I have eaten a whole bag today and nothing else. In my defense, that melt in your goodness bekons to me without remorse. Chocolate and peanut butter, each ingredient a stand alone taste delight, are even better when paired together. Yum.

2. She's a big one. A mighty big one. Ahhh! That song has been controlling my thoughts for days now. I know that it is completely inappropriate to sing in pulic, but try as I might I cannot seem to control it. Those lyrics dance around in my head and then flow from my mouth at all the wrong times. Thanks a lot Jade! And let's not forget to thank Flavor Flav for creating this ingenious combination of harmonious words. What can I say about Flavor of Love? I despise the ignorance that show portrays. Yet I am drawn to watch it, like watching a car crash with womens' dignity and worth going down in flames. Ring the alarm. Is this what American culture has come to? Flavor Flav has some serious nerve talking about anyone, specifically Like Dat, like that anyway, because he is no prize (and that is me being nice...oh hell, why start now. He looks like a burnt shriveled up raisin. And he behaves like a dirty old man. Bottom line: he disgusts me.) What is wrong with these people? She's a big one. A mighty big one. Look at how this is junk is influencing me. What is wrong with me!

3. Forever 21 is a great place to shop if you are in the mood to really look through their merchandise. Their stores are always organized so haphazardly. I suppose that they are going for that chaotic feel, because every Forever 21 store I have ever been in has been like that. It can be frustrating if you do not have the patience and/or time to sort through everything. Yesterday I was in the mood and I ended up finding some cute stuff with Jade's help.

4. The exfoliator Modern Friction from Origins is fabulous. It really works well to improve the texture and tone of my skin, preserving my sexy. Definitely worth the money. Note: Avoid the eye area. The sales woman wasn't playing, it really burns!

Happy Birthday!

girls, food, style (?)...what else could one wish for.

(no comment)

Lately I've been feeling like a complete waste of space.
But I guess things could be worse.

A sign that Colorado may want to make their GED requirements a bit more stringent:

{scene: chatting with an old friend on a warm summer evening, mid August, sitting outside my home in Grand Junction}

moi: Well, I will be leaving early next month for Paris.
old friend: Oh, cool. You know, I still haven't been on a plane yet.
moi (with a look of feigned disbelief): Really? Wow.
old friend: Yeah, but maybe I will come over to visit you in Spain.
moi: Ummm...right. (pause) Paris is in France.

I'm moody.

I cried this afternoon.
I laid with my face in a pillow and I cried.

I cried tears of despair.
Desiring to relive mistakes of the past.
Wishing that I was not constantly haunted by the ghosts of lost memories.
I accept what is done and over with. I accept what is out of my control. Let go already.

I cried tears of anxiety.
Afraid of the unknown and the uncontrollable.
Paralyzed by fear of failure.
It is time for me to stop questioning my worth.
I am powerful and capable of accomplishing all that I set out to do.

I cried tears of joy.
I put my faith in God.
No point on dwelling on long gone events of the past.
Or being apprehensive about what has yet to happen.
Because right now, in this moment, everything is perfect.

Head in the Clouds

Am I slow? Or do I prefer to dwell in denial?
Why did it take me so long to realize that I was leaving...

Leaving everything familiar and comfortable to me. Leaving the world I know behind in hopes of creating a better me. Why don't I feel the gravity of this situation? I don't know.

I see what is going on around me, but I feel s e p a r a t e d from it all. Nevertheless I go along with the motions. I fold clothes to pack into my suitcases and organize the books I want to take along. I attempt to gauge exactly what I will need to sustain myself for the following 9 months. I'm leaving. I think it, but I don't exactly feel it the way I would hope.

I have been expecting this move for months, why doesn't it seem real to me anymore? Is it resistance to change? No. I mean, I'm moving to find the new cheese. Waiting for the feeling, I continue going along with the motions. It will come to me in time. I reassure myself. This is normal...right? Upon arriving in Toronto, my dad and I fill out cards making our departure from the US official. No, not yet.

Sleep. Eat. Watch Nacho Libre. Sleep. Sitting on the plane on the final leg of the flight feeling like I'm going on "just another trip", I give up on feeling anything more. Stop over thinking it. Live it. I'm gazing out the window just as the plane touches down on the runway at Charles de Gaulle airport; the French guy seated behind me yells out "Paris!" and it finally hits me.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.
~ Chamfort

Season of Change

The end of summer vacation consistently brings change.
Back to school. Moving. New clothes.
Old friends. New friends. Exchanging of summer memories.
The carefree ease of long summer days is replaced with structure and schedule.
But never without the promises of renewal and growth.
So as I wave goodbye to summer, I embrace the changes that are coming my way.

Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.
~ Pauline R. Kezer

Wonders of the World Wide Web

Oh, how I love the internet.
'Will you be online later?' Yeah, you bet.

Information and entertainment at my fingertips.
Chatting, blogs, music, funny video clips.

Ebay, Blogger, YouTube, and shopping galore,
So little time, so many sites to explore.

Amazon, iTunes, Craig's List, The Sims 2!
Google Earth. Sit back and enjoy the view.

Airline tickets, song lyrics, the latest fashion trend.
The possibilities of the internet extend without end.

The capital of Maine, how to make a killer omelette,
All things I've learned via the internet.

Celebrity gossip, world news, why cats meow...
Huh? Why? What time is it now?

Day and night. Night and day.
Day and night. I can't walk away.

Oh, how I love the internet.
No, Dad. I'm not hungry just yet.

Okay, okay. I'll be down in a sec.
I'm looking at pics of this crazy car wreck...

I turn off the computer. The images fade away.
Wait a minute. It's already Thursday?

Oh man, I need to download that song and bid on those shoes.
No! It's not a problem. I can stop whenever I choose!

conversations with Omar

Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago - the baby, the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the avoider.... It doesn't seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we've traveled.
~Jane Mersky Leder

My brother. Omar. Lil Omeo. My favorite person (although he has ensured me that the feeling is not mutual.)
I love his sense of humor and his dedication to success in every endeavor he pursues.
Although I fail to grasp his obsession with the c-walk, The Nutty Professor, and The Facebook.

*****

{scene: walking through Walmart in the hair product aisle (yes, I detest Walmart and avoid it all costs), shopping for last minute necessities the day before we left for India}

Omar: Hey, let's get some of that scurl.
me (perplexed look on face): Scurl?
Omar (pointing to a product on a nearby shelf): Yeah, scurl.
me: Umm. Yeah. That's "S" Curl.

*****

{Omar relayed this story to me one evening last week after arriving at home.}

Omar: This lady flipped me off today.
me: Why? What happened?
Omar: I was headed to the office to mail out a package. And I was in a hurry because UPS picks up at 5 PM on Friday. So I was switching from the left lane into the right lane. I turned on my blinker, but the lady wasn't letting me in, so I sped up and got in front of her. She laid on the horn and flipped me off.
me: That's rude.
Omar: I got so angry and I was going to follow her.
me: What?!
Omar: Well, I just wanted to follow her and make her think that I was going to kill her. I wanted to scare her. I would've done it if I had the time. But I was in a hurry.
me (shakes head in disgrace): Good to know that you have your priorities in order.




This clip proves what I've been saying all along. Ending an ongoing 7 year battle, from which I emerge victoriously. I told you that song was from the Care Bears! Do you like me? Do you love me? Same difference! You did not make it up. :)

good night grand junction

Aaaarg!!

penny for your thoughts

Whenever I see an erring man, I say to myself I have also erred; when I see a lustful man I say to myself, so was I once; and in this way I feel kinship with everyone in the world and feel that I cannot be happy without the humblest of us being happy.
Mahatma Ghandi

CNN-IBN: Docs Chop of Limbs for Beggars
CNN-IBN: Legal Options to Nail "Butcher" Docs

India
Population > 1.1 billion
> 25% of the population live below the poverty line
In a country with such disparities in income, where opportunity is severely limited by religion and caste, it does not come as a surprise that begging has developed into an extensive sector of moneymaking. As a result, a beggar mafia exists in which people, often children, are forced into begging. Even more disturbing is the fact that some physicians will chop off healthy limbs for a fee (10,000 rupees ~ US $215), in hopes of generating more sympathy and in turn more money.
What does it take for a person to become so despondent that amputating a healthy limb begins to seem like a viable idea? It is hard to fathom the level of indigency one must experience to be willing to sacrifice a limb in order to alleviate the situation. And many others have their limbs amputated without thier consent only to wake up to find these parts missing. They are then forced into begging.
Why does justice not exist for these victims?
What excuse can these "doctors" offer for such behavior?
So should one not give money to beggars? But how can one refuse help to another who is in need? Still even this is only treating the symptoms of poverty and not fixing the underlying causes.

For a situation that seems eminently hopeless, I can offer no solutions to these questions.

Can't sleep. Damn jetlag.

The new airline security rules really suck for long flights. Specifically: the restriction of all liquids and gels from being carried onboard. Admitting that I welcome the new measures in the name of security, I feel that the airlines should compensate for the inadequacies. They distribute toothbrushes and toothpaste. The bathroom is stocked with lotion and shaving utensils. But no lip balm. How am I supposed to survive for over 24 hours without some sort of lip moisurizer? Especially considering how drying airline cabin air can be. (Perhaps I should have bought a stick form of balm, because I think that they would have allowed that, but unfortunately all of the lip balm that I had was of a gel-like consistency.) Needless to say, my lips were extremely chapped and my eyes were so dry that they hurt to open and close. In extreme desperation, I discreetly spread some of the margarine from one of the meals on my lips in hopes of relieving the parched skin...which proved to be somewhat satisfying, although predominately greasy.

Incredible !ndia

I returned home yesterday and I'm so happy to be back in the states. India was fun. For me, India is experienced best in small doses.

Things that I don't understand about India
1. The stench. Men urinate everywhere! It's like they have constant UTIs or something, because whenever that urge comes over them, they simply unzip and go.
2. People throw trash everywhere. I hate that people litter without any concern for the environment. In defense of India: I suppose in a country with a population of over 1 billion people there are more pressing concerns.
3. The damn bugs! Mosquitos, cockroaches (huge fear factor types), ants....
4. It is over 100 degrees outside, I do not want tea.
5. The bathrooms.
6. The extremely high pressure sales people, hustlers, and beggars.

Things that I love about India
1. The food! (Although the manner in which it is prepared in restaurants is better left unresearched in order to preserve one's appetite.)
2. Everything is sooo cheap by American standards.
3. The beauty. The beauty of the people and the landscape (sans the trash).
4. Family :)

Kick Booty

Completed the Danskin Women's Triathalon this morning. Oddly enough, I'm not feeling elated as I would have expected. Instead, I am feeling rather sad. Can't explain why exactly, although I suspect that it may have something to do with the fact that I am sitting on the floor of my nearly empty apartment. Which reminds me of lonely times last summer when some of my consorts went astray. Only 2 more days and I'm off to India. Praying for safety and slightly cooler weather.

Replay!

Why do some people possess the unique ability to run into that one person the are not quite hoping to see?

seems like everywhere I go
I see you, from your eyes, your smile
it's like I breathe you, helplessly I reminisce

Cali Iz Active

Los Angelos
Manhattan Beach








Hollywood Park Casino
(Note: Do not ever go there, it is sooo terrible!! I can't even elaborate, because you had to be there to believe it. Just trust me.)







Happy 50th Birthday Yolanda!



Sippin' on that Andre.


San Francisco






China Town






Pebble Beach









Circle of life in action.



Please don't feed the animals!








Monterey






Palo Alto
The absolute best burritos (and hot sauce) I've ever had!



Acknowledgements: Thank you to Jade and Jameel for your undying hospitality! An extra thanks for dealing with my indecisiveness and my propensity for listening to anyone who approached us on the street.

Everyday I'm Hustling

Yesterday was my last day of work at AmeriPath. I had been looking foward to that day for months, but as I was cleaning up my work station I found myself becoming sad. I get sentimental when things come to an end.

Lyrics that make me feel dirty for liking them:
And I get more ass than a toilet seat. ~Nate Dogg
Santa Claus, I leave her with a white chin. ~ Lil Wayne

Round Midnight

Hypothetically of course
Are there some things better left unsaid
Or would you wanna know instead
Hypothetically of course
Are there some wars not worth fighting
Hypothetically of course

Feeling blessed and incredibly thankful today.

Hooray for me!

Okay, so I had my wisdom teeth extracted last week Tuesday. I do not remember any of the procedure and much of the rest of the day is a blur. I remember the nurse inserting the IV into my hand while casually discussing a current malpractice suit with the dental assistant (Note:This is definitely not the most appropriate and/or comforting topic of discussion during patient care). Then I recall being escorted to the car. Phil was kind enough to be my designated driver and we headed over to Rite Aid to fill my prescription for the vicodin. I was not functioning at my highest level at this point, so Phil is dragging me by the hand into Rite Aid. My whole mouth looks bloody. I look completely confused. People are looking probably wondering if he had beaten me up or something. 'Oh my. Should we do something?' The pharmacist is probably wondering if he should fill this prescription for vicodin for me. 'Poor girl. What ever happened to DARE? Just say no.' I am just trying to sit in the massaging chair in the pharmacy waiting room. Eventually I arrived home where I slept...
The following days are filled with soft foods of rice pudding, chocolate pudding, cream of wheat, grits, mashed potatoes, and I can't forget smoothies, intermixed with pain killers and the constant taste of blood. Now my body is going into starvation mode. But my whole mouth feels so terrible and my jaw aches, I can't eat much of anything. Oh no, I'm almost out of vicodin. Ibprofen just isn't cutting it. Everyone keeps telling me that it shouldn't be hurting anymore. Well it hurts soooo much, something must be wrong. I followed all of the aftercare instructions. Do I have an infection? Oh great.
So yesterday I had to return to the dentist to have the sutures removed. What a relief! Turns out that the sutures were too tight and that was the main source of my pain. Now I am feeling 100% better.
I am eating regular food.
I'm smiling pain-free.

Mood for the day: Man, I really miss boys.

Last night was out of control.
Phrases from last night/this morning not in context.

Anyone want a vagina burger?
Shooting for 30.
Umm, I don't know those people dancing in my living room.
I want the blue one.
What fashion magazine did you step out of?
Je parle un peu.
Oh, by the way, did Aliea tell you, I kind of have a girlfriend.
Do you have a moral hangover?
Blessings.

Bolder Boulder - Memorial Day 2006

Before
My dad and I at the start of the Bolder Boulder 10 km run, looking eager and excited. There was the longest line to use the port-o-potties and I was tempted to hold it, but I'm glad that I just waited in the line to pee.

After

During the race, the security/motivators along the couse would say things like "You're almost there, just a little further" or "Looking good, keep running" and even "There's beer at the end." (But they should've said "There are popsicles at the end, because those breyer's fruit popsicles that they had at the end are my favorites, and nobody really likes michelob ultra anyways.)

Then there was a memorial day celebration. Yeah, USA.

Officially deactivated my facebook account today. Reason for deactivation (required): Facebook is the devil.

Just my imagination

Ok wow. It has been a really long time. But I had to take a break, because my blogging was really starting to sound like I had missed one too many AA meetings...
In the meantime, things have been going along well. I have such a weakness for basketball shorts. Gorgeous calf muscles glistening from under those garments, oh... At 24 Hour Finess, there is the most beautiful (actually I'm not quite sure what his face looks like) boy. I love the days that he lifts legs. It is amazing how seeing him in those shorts can make my whole day. (From raging alcoholic to psycotic stalker...way to go, Leela)

After gradually losing close to all of my dignity at Club Beyond over the past few months, I am elated to say that I regained most of it there this past Saturday.

This past weekend I watched the movie Amores Perros and one of the lines that really stuck with me was when Susana said "When you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Sometimes I have a tendency to try to plan everything out perfectly and then I end up really anxious when things go differently. And I liked that line because it reminds me that sometimes I need to just calm down and breathe.

So glad to be having a calm, boring weekend. In direct contrast with last weekend where I learned for myself that "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" because basically I can't remember it.

I'm Hung Up

It doesn't matter what happened last weekend or even how I may feel about it. Whether or not I drank way too much or said the stupidest things in front of people that I would not even be able to recognize now that I'm sober doesn't matter one bit. Because as the weekend approaches, my mind and body are yearning to do it all over again. And then, come this Sunday/Monday (the same as countless previous ones), I will look in the mirror and say to myself, 'Leela, you cannot behave like this. You cannot live like this.' Accompained by a vow, that I will replace my "out on the town" nights with calmer activities. But it never fails that by Saturday night you will find me out downtown on somekind of dance floor and/or hoovering near the bar/bartender (and if it is much later into the night, eating at late night restaurants or leaning over the toilet/out of the car door or sleeping stark naked on the floor of my apartment, depending on earlier alcoholic consumption levels, you see).

You know that you might be an alcoholic if you look at the juice in your fridge in the morning, but refuse to drink it because you bought that juice to mix with your vodka.

Sometimes I watch Futurama just to hear my name.