I won't be home for Christmas.

Instead, we are leaving this morning for 10 days of sun in Morocco. Woot! Woot!

so fresh and so clean clean

I got home about 20 minutes ago. I went to the bathroom to do my normal nightly routine which includes washing my face and brushing my teeth. But I couldn't find my toothbrush. Where the hell is my toothbrush? My Oral-B Sonic Complete toothbrush! I have been using this model for over a year now and I LOVE it. I love it because it is extremely thorough. I love brushing my teeth with it. That sparkling clean sensation. Ahhh! So refreshing! (They really should put me in a commercial.) So tonight, I spent a good 10 minutes searching for the damn thing. On the charger where it should be? Of course not. On my desk, in my wardrobe, tossed somewhere among the dirty clothes? No. Perhaps under my pillow or the bed? Nope. Wouldn't you guess that I finally found it sitting in plain view on my armoire. I'm telling you, once you switch, you can never go back to using a manual brush. Earlier this year, I took a trip to LA to visit Jade and I forgot my Sonic Complete at home. I had to use a manual for the duration of the trip. During the day, I would run my tongue along my teeth feeling disgusted with all the grime that I could feel. Ewww. I remember that about 3 years back when I went to India with my Crest SpinBrush Pro (which I do not recommend by the way), I had family members looking at me crazy in the bathroom. Wondering what is that noise? Those Americans, they are too lazy to even brush their own teeth! Seriously though people, it's not even like that. It's all in the name of oral health. Use it and you too will soon discover it is nothing short of AMAZING!

I'm growing up.

Mistakes are not for repeating.

I focus my attention inward. I try to understand my faults and determine where I need change. I accept responsibility (as hard as it may be) for my mistakes and their consequences. I am moving foward and becoming a better me.

A very long time ago, I wrote in my journal that the biggest mistake that I made with the one I can't let go, was not listening. I spent so much talking, explaining, debating with him. Constantly trying to prove something to him, trying to get him to understand my point of view. That didn't leave much room for me to listen to him. Truly listen to him.

I became judgemental and blamed everything on him as a way of maintaining some sense of control in a situation where my emotions roamed without restraint. I had lost control of myself. I was lost. So I continued to talk at him. I couldn't hear all the signs surrounding me (and yes, there were tons), screaming for my attention.

All of these things I hear so clearly now in hindsight.

Now that I am quiet.

And maybe it was his silence that should have spoken the loudest to me all along.

because you love me

Love Actually is probably my all-time favorite Christmas movie. It is a total chick flick and yes, I tear up every time I watch it. I especially love the part when Sam says to his dad "Worse than the total agony of being in love?" Such insight…

Love can be a touchy subject, because everyone has their own definitions and opinions of what exactly love should encompass. Love may manifest in various forms, but there are always some common threads. I can't claim to be an expert on the subject, but for me love is an action that involves acceptance, which comes through knowing someone. And since it is near impossible to know someone without spending time with them, it involves investment. An investment of not only time, but emotion. It means knowing the faults as well as the merits of a person and caring about them nonetheless. It means being there for someone through the good and the bad alike.

So this Christmas I am thankful for my loved ones, for those who have invested in me (and who hopefully feel that I have reciprocated the gesture). I am thankful for my friends and all of the time they spend with me, listening to me, crying with me, laughing with me. I am grateful for their continual encouragement, inspiration, advice, and motivation. For the late nights, the early mornings, and all that is in between. I am happy that they have made the choice to travel and grow with me.
I am grateful for my family. I love my mom for her patience (which I have often mistaken for weakness) and her ability to forgive. She alone has the power to make me feel completely comfortable with myself and my decisions. With her, I know there is nothing I can do that would ever cause her to love me any less. (Although she often feels compelled to add me to the prayer list.) I love my dad for his ambition and persistence, his example is one I strive (sometimes struggle) to follow. In his eyes, I have always felt like the most important thing in the world, because I know that there is nothing that he wouldn't sacrifice for the wellbeing of his children. The world can crumble around me and I would still know that I could depend on him for anything/everything. I adore my brother for his innovation and his passion for life. His ability to find humor in all things (albeit at times inappropriate). I grew up by his side; people used to think that we were twins. There is an understanding that I share with him and no one else.
I even appreciate the relationships that have ended. The love that seems to have faded or has left all parties in tears and regret, without which I may never have grown into the person that I am now. I hold on to the memories of times past. I will never lose my hope in the power of love. Because even when love has led me astray, I wouldn't trade those times for anything else. It's true what they say. Love actually is all around. And I am immensely blessed.

I couldn't ask for anything better.

Is it me or is time flying by?!?! 1 week until Omar arrives!

long overdue

So I returned from London today. It was a really great trip, other than the expected rain, wind, and chilling temperatures. I traveled via Eurostar and I was super excited, because I LOVE trains. I was especially excited by the prospect of travelling underwater. However my vision of looking through the train window and out of the clear tunnel and being able to see all of the sea life of the English Channel was short-lived as I passed through a completely dark tunnel for no more than 20 minutes only to arrive on the other side, thinking I'm in the UK already? I nodded in and out of sleep for the remainder of the trip. Thursday night I had plans to go to bed early in order to better facilitate early rising on Friday, but of course that didn't happen. Instead, I stayed up late, tasting the 3 different types of bas armagnac that I had bought at the salon des vins a couple weeks back. How I ended up with 3 bottles of brandy instead of a bottle of champagne like I originally planned is another story altogether. So here goes... We went to the salon des vins at 11 AM on a Sunday. Tasting wine this early on a Sunday didn't seem like the best idea, but it seemed better than the alternative of having to deal with the crowds which would undoubtedly show up later. So we decided to meet at 10:30 AM. I opted for the drinking method to wine tasting rather than the pouring out technique, because really I hate to see a good drink go to waste. Needless to say by about noon, I was pretty much faded. I ended up buying 3 bottles of bas armanagac from a vendor whose second question (the first being Where are you from?) was Did you vote for Bush? Jade, I still hold you responsible for this purchase with all of your holiday talk of brandy and egg nog. But it did turn out to be a nice buy (although I am still a bit bitter about not getting the champagne). After the salon des vins, we went up to Montmarte and into the Sacré Cœur. Once inside the cathedral/church/basilica (not quite sure which term is most appropriate), I realized that I was toting my bag of alcohol in the house of the Lord, which I deemed a bit inappropriate and quickly made my way back outside. Overall, the building was very beautiful both inside and out and there is a spectacular panoramic view of Paris from the base of the structure.
Back in London, ordering at a Chinese restaurant, the waiter asks what we will have to drink. I reply: I will take water please.
What?
WA-ter.
What was that?
Wat-ER.
You want WaTer?
Yes. WATER. Thank you.
Damn. Is my American accent that hard to understand? But in his defense (because it is obviously not MY fault), english is not his mother tongue. But really now, how many drink choices are there with 2 syllables that begin with a w.
Glad to be back in Paris, where I feel at home.

For interested parties, the rest of the photos from my trip to London can be found on my Flickr site.