Feeling blessed and incredibly thankful today.

Hooray for me!

Okay, so I had my wisdom teeth extracted last week Tuesday. I do not remember any of the procedure and much of the rest of the day is a blur. I remember the nurse inserting the IV into my hand while casually discussing a current malpractice suit with the dental assistant (Note:This is definitely not the most appropriate and/or comforting topic of discussion during patient care). Then I recall being escorted to the car. Phil was kind enough to be my designated driver and we headed over to Rite Aid to fill my prescription for the vicodin. I was not functioning at my highest level at this point, so Phil is dragging me by the hand into Rite Aid. My whole mouth looks bloody. I look completely confused. People are looking probably wondering if he had beaten me up or something. 'Oh my. Should we do something?' The pharmacist is probably wondering if he should fill this prescription for vicodin for me. 'Poor girl. What ever happened to DARE? Just say no.' I am just trying to sit in the massaging chair in the pharmacy waiting room. Eventually I arrived home where I slept...
The following days are filled with soft foods of rice pudding, chocolate pudding, cream of wheat, grits, mashed potatoes, and I can't forget smoothies, intermixed with pain killers and the constant taste of blood. Now my body is going into starvation mode. But my whole mouth feels so terrible and my jaw aches, I can't eat much of anything. Oh no, I'm almost out of vicodin. Ibprofen just isn't cutting it. Everyone keeps telling me that it shouldn't be hurting anymore. Well it hurts soooo much, something must be wrong. I followed all of the aftercare instructions. Do I have an infection? Oh great.
So yesterday I had to return to the dentist to have the sutures removed. What a relief! Turns out that the sutures were too tight and that was the main source of my pain. Now I am feeling 100% better.
I am eating regular food.
I'm smiling pain-free.

Mood for the day: Man, I really miss boys.

Last night was out of control.
Phrases from last night/this morning not in context.

Anyone want a vagina burger?
Shooting for 30.
Umm, I don't know those people dancing in my living room.
I want the blue one.
What fashion magazine did you step out of?
Je parle un peu.
Oh, by the way, did Aliea tell you, I kind of have a girlfriend.
Do you have a moral hangover?
Blessings.

Bolder Boulder - Memorial Day 2006

Before
My dad and I at the start of the Bolder Boulder 10 km run, looking eager and excited. There was the longest line to use the port-o-potties and I was tempted to hold it, but I'm glad that I just waited in the line to pee.

After

During the race, the security/motivators along the couse would say things like "You're almost there, just a little further" or "Looking good, keep running" and even "There's beer at the end." (But they should've said "There are popsicles at the end, because those breyer's fruit popsicles that they had at the end are my favorites, and nobody really likes michelob ultra anyways.)

Then there was a memorial day celebration. Yeah, USA.

Officially deactivated my facebook account today. Reason for deactivation (required): Facebook is the devil.

Just my imagination

Ok wow. It has been a really long time. But I had to take a break, because my blogging was really starting to sound like I had missed one too many AA meetings...
In the meantime, things have been going along well. I have such a weakness for basketball shorts. Gorgeous calf muscles glistening from under those garments, oh... At 24 Hour Finess, there is the most beautiful (actually I'm not quite sure what his face looks like) boy. I love the days that he lifts legs. It is amazing how seeing him in those shorts can make my whole day. (From raging alcoholic to psycotic stalker...way to go, Leela)

After gradually losing close to all of my dignity at Club Beyond over the past few months, I am elated to say that I regained most of it there this past Saturday.

This past weekend I watched the movie Amores Perros and one of the lines that really stuck with me was when Susana said "When you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Sometimes I have a tendency to try to plan everything out perfectly and then I end up really anxious when things go differently. And I liked that line because it reminds me that sometimes I need to just calm down and breathe.

So glad to be having a calm, boring weekend. In direct contrast with last weekend where I learned for myself that "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" because basically I can't remember it.

I'm Hung Up

It doesn't matter what happened last weekend or even how I may feel about it. Whether or not I drank way too much or said the stupidest things in front of people that I would not even be able to recognize now that I'm sober doesn't matter one bit. Because as the weekend approaches, my mind and body are yearning to do it all over again. And then, come this Sunday/Monday (the same as countless previous ones), I will look in the mirror and say to myself, 'Leela, you cannot behave like this. You cannot live like this.' Accompained by a vow, that I will replace my "out on the town" nights with calmer activities. But it never fails that by Saturday night you will find me out downtown on somekind of dance floor and/or hoovering near the bar/bartender (and if it is much later into the night, eating at late night restaurants or leaning over the toilet/out of the car door or sleeping stark naked on the floor of my apartment, depending on earlier alcoholic consumption levels, you see).

You know that you might be an alcoholic if you look at the juice in your fridge in the morning, but refuse to drink it because you bought that juice to mix with your vodka.

Sometimes I watch Futurama just to hear my name.

I threw on a coat today that I had not worn since last winter. Stuck my hands into the pockets and pulled out a thing of lip balm that I absolutely LOVE, but thought had gotten lost sooo long ago. I smoothed that balm over my lips and smiled all day long.

Sister of the Faith, Not the Flesh (n.): A strong, independent woman of conviction who, by choice, for the time being, is focused on self-improvement and advancement rather than ever so distracting carnal pleasures.

Status: 7 months and going strong! (okay, strong might not be the best adverb in this situation...)

There's no place like home

If you know anything about I-70 W, then this will make perfect sense. I-70 W is a death trap in the winter. God spared my life numerous times when this highway had a different ending in waiting for me.
I drove home to Grand Junction yesterday for the holidays. I decided ahead of time that it would be best to leave early in the morning so I could avoid as much traffic as possible. Good plan, 5 AM sounded perfect. Now understand that I am accustomed to waking up no earlier than 10 AM daily, so I don’t really know what is going on in the world any earlier than that, but never mind that. I wake up on time and get ready and out on the road by 5:20 AM. Stop to get some gas and pee, and I’m good to go.
I get out on I-70 W near Idaho Springs and it is really dark. Now this wouldn’t be much of a problem except that ever since I had my LASIK vision correction, my vision while driving at night is a bit "impaired" (to say the least. WARNING: If you see a blue Subaru Impreza WRX travelling south on Colorado Blvd around say 11:50 PM on a weekday, you might want to try a different route, okay, no it’s really not that bad...most of the time). Shouldn’t the sun be rising by now, it is almost 6 AM? Okay, just drive behind this car and follow the lights.
Finally around 7 AM the sun is rising and things are looking up. The roads are looking clear, not much snow or anything. Perfect, me and Jill Scott are in a groove. I am not afraid.
Sign reads: Watch for rocks on the road. Okay, can do.
25 miles later, another sign reads: Limited visibility ahead due to blowing snow. Well, it’s going to be a little harder to look for those rocks now, but just be cool.
15 miles west of that, sign reads: Icy roads. So now I am nervous as hell.
Two things I hate while driving: ice and tumbleweeds.
The signs made me more nervous than the actual road conditions. Like they are foreshadowing my impending doom. Follow this way Leela: Fatal accident ahead. So I am driving extra slow around the Eisenhower tunnel trying to slow my heart rate back to normal. Come on girl, there is no ice here, calm down.
But the sign said there was ice! It's there!
Get it together or I will turn this car around now!
Hysterical Leela, overly haunted by the memories of near accidents, refuses to listen to reason, refuses to believe that everything will be alright, convinced that 8 lives have already been used up.
After Eisenhower things were going well again. Cruising through Glenwood Canyon, a lot faster than allowed by the law (no officer, I didn’t know the speed limit was 50 MPH, I’m from Boulder, you see). I see a car accident on the eastbound side with 2 cars, numerous police cars and an ambulance and I couldn’t control the tears that welled up in my eyes before streaming down my face.
I had gotten my emotions in order until I was approaching Rifle and saw a car pulled to the shoulder and 2 dead deer in the road.
The whole drive was filled with bad omens. And I tried (unsucessfully) to give meaning to each of the parts to get some kind of overall meaning.
Bottom line: I am thankful to have reached home safe to see my family.

Am I mad at him because he doesn't care or because I do....

Hmm....

Why don't my pants fit well anymore?! They are always loose and falling down. Jeans that used to fit me perfectly are now too loose in the waist. I am constantly pulling them up. (Oops, she's wearing lavender panties today.) I feel like my body is fading away, gradually evaporating into the air or something. Maybe I just need a smaller size.

Goodbye Velma!

Approximately 6 weeks ago, I had LASIK vision correction. I cannot express the miracle that this procedure has been. To no longer be dependent on glasses or contacts. To be able to wake up in the morning, open my eyes up and see! Hallelujah!!! So you may be thinking that I am taking it a bit overboard, but remember the sheer thickness of my glasses, okay then, enough said.
No more blind jokes coming my way anymore either. "Ooh wee Leela, I bet you can see through the walls with those glasses. Let me see your glasses really quick, I'm trying to see what the people down the street are doing."

BEFORE