06 May 2007
I am the problem.
You know how there is always that one person in a relationship who is the problem. They are the one who manages to find something wrong when everything is fine. They are the one to incite an argument and then cry about everything being so unfair. Well, that problem person is me. I have no problem admitting it. Now the why is another issue. Blame it on my steadfast belief that this is not going to work anyway, so let's just end it now. There is logic to that, no? This relationship will more than likely end terribly with both parties getting hurt and requiring all kinds of emotional healing. Is it worth all of that? Wouldn't you rather skip all of that drama in the middle and end it right here? Forget the marriage, we're already divorced. I've always been good at walking away. It leaves me with a sense of relief rather than regret. A feeling that I can once again breathe easy. Why do I think like this? Perhaps I only want what I feel like I don't have. Maybe my fear of being hurt is too deep-seated. Or it could be that the idea of permanence repulses me. Is this working out well for me? I guess it depends on what exactly you define as working out well. Honestly speaking, no, not really. And I have tried to change this pattern and employ a different approach, but when push comes to shove, I revert back to old habits and do what I do best. Run away.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
recognizing the problem is half the battle, you're on your way girlie!
beautiful pic!
side note: your hair is really getting long!
at some point you gotta stop tho, unless you WANT to end up alone. God speed homie. overcoming self-sabotage is the hardest. trust me i know first hand. my hormones try to convince me to break up with kyle EVERY month. isn't that awful? EVERY month. he's rarely even done anything. at the beginning i used to fight and attack him but i stopped. but its good if you're with some evil people.
I like that, most people are too pig headed and selfish to admit that they contributed to the down fall of the relationship. Hell I plead guilty in that sence too.
Some relationships/friendships for me have been easier to walk away from than others.
Cute pic...at least your admitting as we all know that's the first step.
jade: thanks. it hasn't been cut since last september (unless you include me cutting it). such a shame.
jameil: sometimes i wonder, based on my behavior, if i do want to end up alone. but seriously i do want to change this pattern, so i'm trying to catch myself before it becomes too late.
bigray: you are right that pride and selfishness can prevent a person from wanting to take responsibility for their actions. luckily i don't have that problem (anymore?), so i suppose that is evidence that things can change. ahhh, there is hope for me yet.
honey-libra: thank you :)
Post a Comment